All I want is to go back to bed.

[icebluenothing]

I'm still not sure how I pull myself up out of this recurrent depression. I've heard all the answers, all the people and all the books who tell me the answer is therapy or drugs or God or just finding my own inner strength and none of it makes any sense to me.

I have three hours before I'm supposed to pick up treebyleaf and it doesn't feel like time enough to do anything.

I want to write the LiveJournal posts I've been planning. Or do some real writing. I have a whole novel to work on, and at some level, it genuinely feels complete in my head, like all I have to do is just transcribe it, but the effort of sitting down just to do that feels like too much.

What I can do is complain. I always seem to have the energy to do that. So at least I can write that down.

(God, The Cure sounds so much better coming out of my cheap little Altec computer speakers than it does from my actual CD player. Who would have thought?)

I want to just go back to bed. But I think I'll make some coffee, see if that will help. Get something done.

Comments

[ilion.livejournal.com]

For me, I find different things work at different times. Or maybe nothing works and the cycle goes round. How's that for up lifting advice?

It's curious how people can always complain. I wonder why? It seems to me life is much easier with a positive attitude, so why are we always so negative? Would it really take that much more energy to be productive than destructive? I'm not sure that negativity is passive.

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

It may not be uplifting advice, but it's true, and that's much better to hear than some trite quick fix.

This time, the coffee worked, at least somewhat. I don't know if it's the caffeine so much as it is the ritual of making coffee that was important to tell my body/mind, "No, you don't get to roll over and give up."

(It also sure helped to hear this (http://www.musicfanclubs.org/cure/lyrics/fight.html). I wasn't even thinking about that song when I put the album on, but I'm glad I did.)

I don't think negativity is passive. Pain gets our attention in ways that not even pleasure can, because it indicates things you need to stop doing.

I don't think the problem so much is that people complain; I think the problem is that they don't listen to themselves complaining, and they don't treat it as a symptom of underlying pain and try to figure out what they can do about it.

Re:

[ilion.livejournal.com]

I believe complacency would be the problem. I've even known people to be fully aware of problems but just not bother to do anything about, not to event try. Sometimes calling someone ignorant is too much of a compliment. There's my dose of cynicism for the day.

And I suppose in the short term doing nothing is easier than trying to change things. But certainly in the long term it is better to improve one's environment and self. Or at least to try and take satisfaction in the journey.