Caught a glimpse of a couple children's movies while I was out running errands
today.
The first was Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory, playing on a television in the electronics section at
Costco. I nearly turned around and walked right back out of the store.
No, I'm not exaggerating. Almost anyone who knows me can tell you of my
aversions and phobias of this movie. Everyone seems to regard this as a
harmless little classic that every child should see, but Jesus this movie
creeped me out as a child and still does to this day.
Yes, yes, the horror writer is scared of Willy Wonka. I'll pause a
moment while you finish laughing. Go ahead, I'm quite used to it.
So this time, I see the movie on the screen and freeze, ready to bolt away, but
I make myself stay and watch it for a moment; I keep meaning to make myself sit
and watch the whole thing someday, as a means of facing my fears. (I have read
the book, at
treebyleaf's instigation, and found it very comforting --
the book actually shows you, at the end, that the children who have been
punished by their own greed and Wonka's machinations are, at the very least,
still alive, a trivial little detail the movie neglects to mention.)
Anyway. So I try to make myself stand there for a minute and watch the damn
thing. What's that he's singing? I step a little closer to listen:
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes, the danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing
Charming! A wholesome and delightful film for children of any age! Jesus! No
wonder this movie scarred me
for life!I quickly wandered away when I noticed that the door the characters were about
to step through had a sign that mentioned "Oompa-Loompas." No way was I about to subject myself
to those creepy little fuckers.
(Wow, I'd forgotten from last night -- I was cheerfully consuming Pixy Sticks
when I noticed that the package said they were made by Wonka. Now, I know, you
see, I know that Wonka brand candy is just a corporate name, a gimmick,
but I sure as hell superstitiously avoid eating it -- but now here I was,
caught. In a split second of absolute terror, I was sure that I was claimed,
now. That I was his, and I would shortly be spirited away to that goddamn
factory. It wasn't anything quite as bad as the fear I felt months ago
when
wendolen purchased a Wonka chocolate bar -- whose wrapper claimed it
contained a freakin' Golden Ticket, no less -- but close.)
Anyway. That's more than enough of that.
Later, while wandering through my local Hollywood Video, I noticed that they
were starting to play Labyrinth.
God, I love this movie. It started my fascination with David Bowie. Jareth has
been a role model for me ever since I first saw it. The creatures, the world,
the music, the fun -- I had to force myself not to just stand there in the store
and watch the entire thing.
Since there wasn't anything else I wanted to watch, and since I couldn't see
paying good money to rent it when I've seen it a hundred times, I walked out
empty handed. But happy.