Valentines.

You I adore for your alien grace, for your wide and happy smile that doesn't quite reach your cool and watching eyes. I love your unihibited spirit, I love watching you dance. You wander into and out of my life like a stray cat, and I'm fine with that.

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You I admire for your bright enthusiasm for everything, your enduring optimism. I love the way you always have a hug and a few happy words for me, even when you're rushing off to somewhere else, and it seems like you're always doing so much at once. I know depression drags you down sometimes, and I know you're not sure you've figured out how life works, and I wish I could fold you up in my arms and keep you safe always. I am grateful for each conversation, for each long and soft stolen kiss at the edge of a dark dancefloor.

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You were so quiet the first times we met, I thought you didn't like me, or my friends, but that's just the way you are. You are one of the sweetest, gentlest souls I know, and I'm glad you're my friend. I will always keep you in mind for midnight car rides.

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You, I had a mad crush on for years. I'm sure you know that, or else you weren't paying attention; it's all right, if you weren't. You were my friend when I didn't have any other friends, and that means more to me than how stunningly beautiful you are. I respect you, admire you, am always thrilled to hear from you, and I only wish you would do more writing -- you have a strong and singular voice and I'd love to see it between book covers someday. Oh, yeah, and thanks for saving my life, that one time.

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You are too witty, too talented, and too smart by half. I can't wait to see what you do with your life after college -- I think you'll be able to do anything you want. I love the contrast between your daring, spitfire, shock-everyone persona and all the sweet, old-fashioned ideals you have underneath it all. I still haven't forgiven my friends for dragging me away from our first meeting. I can only aspire to be as strong and beautiful as you've drawn me.

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You fascinate me with your tastes, your politics, your ideas. I've never met an elf like you before and never will again. We need to go for coffee sometime soon -- I know I keep promising that, but I do mean it. I think you're absolutely adorable, and I'm sorry, sometimes, that we never went out, but I don't think I would have been good for you. Still. I'm happy to be your friend, and I know you've reached out to me at some of the darkest moments of your life, and I'm happy I could be here for you.

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You are always going to be just a little out of my reach. There was a time when I kept seeing you out at the club, and it was a time when I really needed a friendly hug and a smile; some weeks, seeing you was the only really good thing to happen to me. I'm always going to remember the first time you kissed me -- I don't know how I managed to drive home safely after that, I was in such a dreamlike daze of amazement. I've been around you after a couple of break-ups, and I always wanted to be more than just your friend, but I was always afraid of speaking too soon. So instead I never spoke at all.

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You are the best friend I've always been looking for. Someone to go out and look for cute clothes with, someone to watch movies with, someone to make snide remarks with, someone to hit on people with. I never know if I can be as much help to you as you've been to me, but I'm damn well going to try. Seeing you always makes me happier. No matter what you may think, I can't imagine ever, ever getting bored with you.

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You are a mystery to me. You are elegance and wit and grace and beauty, and it's obvious to everyone but you. I've always wished we were friends, and I've never known how to approach you, how to let you know that if there was ever anything you needed from me, it was yours for the asking. You've surprised and amazed me with each invitation, each little bit of social kindness. I hope you find some kind of peace with yourself.

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You are possibly the most amazing person I've ever met. You've been through experiences that would break most people, and you are still strong. Some have called you less than human, but they don't know what being human is. You stun and delight and intimidate me with the simple fact that any art you turn your hands to, you master. You're capable, smart, and damn sexy. I never see you often enough.

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You, I finally got up the nerve to ask out to dinner "sometime," and have been working up the nerve ever since to pin down a day and a time. You are beautiful and delicate and precious, like something made from spun glass and moonlight. I want to hear you sing sometime. I love how you light up each time you see me. I've got to get over the shyness you bring out in me; time with you is much too amazing a prospect to let slip through my fingers.

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You I've known for years, since you were a much different person, but I always thought you were funny, kind, clever, and pretty. I'm happy you're so pleased with the site I built for you. I'm startled each time I hear you talk about self-image issues; I can't imagine how it could have escaped your attention that the world is a more beautiful and strange place, for having you in it. I wished for years we could be friends, and I'm glad we finally are.

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You I dreamed of last night. I'm not trying to be poetic; it's true. In my dream, I came to you and told you that I had somehow turned back time, and that it was very important that you listen to me -- that you were going to be very sick, soon, and needed to see a doctor right away when it happened .... When I woke, I didn't feel anything. You, I miss.

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You are going to be least surprised of all to find this valentine here, I'm sure. I've made no secret at all to you about how you make me feel. My world has been so much brighter and happier since you've been around; I am grateful for each fallen autumn leaf, for each movie ticketstub, for each time I've made you smile and blush, for a single glass heart the color of my eyes.

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You have been buried in school, so I don't see you so much any more. I miss stopping by your store, seeing your artwork, and most of all, seeing you fierce and screaming electric on a stage. I was starstruck by you for the longest time, and delighted to get to talk to you, to know you. I hope we have lots of chances to spend more time talking, someday.

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You .....

You, first and last, ever and always. There is not enough time, not enough words, to say everything I could ever want to say about you. I could string a million words together like an endless string of pearls, use every image that my heart and skill could devise, and it wouldn't be enough. You're the center of my world, the drumbeat at the heart of it all, and my life would be much poorer without you; I wouldn't be as good a person as I am if I hadn't known you. There have been times I've needed you like a drug, and held you too tight, and other times I've tried to shove you away as hard as I could, and I could walk in sorrow all my days from those mistakes, but loving you, having you love me, there is nothing I regret, nothing I could regret. We have tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and the promise of that is more than enough light to guide me out of all my darkness. Lover, teacher, child, friend, I want to be by your side always, every me and every you.