Absent.

[icebluenothing]

I've always wanted to see my sister. She moved out when I was very little, and on those occasions when she was going to visit, like birthdays or Christmas, I'd be excited for days at the thought of seeing her. That feeling has never gone away, not even into adulthood.

Not until now, that is. I got to see her on Sunday, and it was pleasant enough, I suppose -- I made myself smile and talk at all the right times, and if I hid in a corner with a book once too often, I don't know if anyone noticed. But I wasn't especially happy to see her.

Tonight I get to see kickaha, my oldest and dearest friend; he lives in North Carolina, and I get to see him maybe once-twice a year, if I'm lucky.

I keep reaching around into my heart for that place where I know I should be excited to see him. And there's nothing.

----

I think I'm really in trouble this time.